Esteem Driven Engine 
 
1. Cashed In 
2. Crawl 
3. Eyes Open Wide 
4. Wok Inn
5. Four Walls 
6. One Shot 
7. Barf 
8. She 
9. Lifer 
10. No Defense 
11. Silver Tongue Devil 
12. S.F.B.I.H.Y.D. 
13. Seain' Different 
14. All We Have 
-CASHED IN-

For what it's worth, I've walked miles and I've seen the sun go down. Played my share of dues, yet you still want to put me down.. Started on the bottom tell me why I feel here again. It was at my expense, now you're cashing in. Make way for the boys in your town today, dig in your pockets, they've got alot to say. Look up on the wall, they'll have some shirts for sale. Another week has passed can you keep up with the brand new scene, the music's changing with the constant tapping of my feet. Play it faster, play it slower, you still don't know, the music's not so important to you, it's what you're makin' off the show. Starting from the bottom again.

-CRAWL -

Self destruct, I want you to grow. Time and time again just like a faucet dripping on what, soaking into yesteryear. Every time you work you say it's a dream. A thought you can't complete, never ending, haunting. Why don't they stop? Don't walk through the door. You crawl on the floors. Why can't you see? Why do you have so much time?

-EYES OPEN WIDE -

I wake, it's empty, my nights are alone, the cold sweats will stay here for hours and hours. My mind it grows weak, no rest that I'm getting. I can't sleep, tomorrow's here. A new day is rising, I've seen it before. The sun won't make things any brighter no more. I don't want, wanna keep going on like this, like this is for sure. Look through the window, the clouds they look back, reflections all pass by the moments I've lapsed. I'm tied down to nothing and I still can't think, there's another night to fear. No sleep for days, no pills to take, all the sheep that I've counted and I'm still awake. Close my eyes, this time it's for sure, eyes open, eyes open wide again.What can I do when tomorrow is through, and another hour keeps pushing me on back.

-WOK INN -

Let me take you to a place that no one's ever seen. It's so far it's far away back in deep behind the trees. I know that it won't fall it's been there a hundred years, trust the limbs are here one more time. I'm telling you, walk where you won't fall. Follow me and I'll follow you, I want to take you there. To the place that no one's ever seen, the moss grows on the north side of the trees, walk through the forest at night.

-FOUR WALLS- 

Four walls I know too well, silence is disturbing, it reminds me I'm alone. Procrastination, gotta get my shit together, gotta go out and get a life of my own. I'll call my friends, they all work too many hours in the day. Pick up my pen, I try to write but I've got nothing to say. I watch T.V. 'til it's the end of me, is there anything more? Come eight-o-clock and I'm out that door just another night of nothing, like the nothing before. The T.V. set it occupies my wasted time, until anxiety it finds me and it starts to get me down. So I sit here and I sink a little deeper I am crippled by security that keeps me safe and sound. The T.V. set my only friend my artificial sun, on for hours on end. My window on a world, I just don't see my simulcast Life of monotony New generation futures in my hands, infrared remotes obeying my command. Another night of nothing, just like the nothing before. I got no ties that'll bind still I can't make up my mind, I've got no place to go, that I can leave this place behind neurosis starts to breed I can feel it eating me, another visit from my old friend Anxiety. Get up, walk away, then I'm reminded while I stay. I got no place to go to end all this dismay, the couch is like quicksand, the floor is like tar, the TV sucks me in, assures I won't get far. Hands on a clock and they're going backwards, another night of nothing, like the nothing before.

-ONE SHOT -

This is it, my one shot at the big time, better make it count, stand up and be heard, cause I know if the radio plays this song all the kids will buy it and I won't be cool anymore. I've been doing this for the last twelve years, through all the times when no one cared. Now everybody wants a piece of me, sign on the dotted line, make what's theirs is mine. It'll make you rich you'll see and there's a million more just like me. I don't care what's cool anymore, who am I to say if you can't make that decision on your own then you're pretty fucking dumb anyway. Generation, no motivation, remote controls and MTV, a generation that hypnotized lulled by repetitious lies. Spoonfed all of their corporate pro-gramming. I'm not a one hit wonder looking to get rich. I'm not trying to sell out my songs. I was here before they exploited this scene and I'll be here when they're dead and fucking gone.

-BARF -

Why every time when something hurts someone always comes up and wants to make it worse? I'll never make the cover of a Rolling Stone, but at least I know my life's my own on my back porch what it will mean. On my notes tell me what they'll mean. Splitting up the difference between one and two doesn't make a difference between me and you what the signs they say the trucks are weaving back and forth on any day but Sunday at four o' clock and the meter's running too late nowput your quarter in and you know you won't be found. I know inside that your're afraid of me I've become all the things that I said I would be something more than rehearsed the pain I feel contained, I look in the mirror and I saw someone else.

-SHE -

So we trade our lives in for that fragile piece of mind that tells us everything is gonna be OK. We work our lives away and keep our savings saved, and wait inside for a rainy day. But all that time the sun is shining. All those days are lost we convince ourselves we need a purpose, and when it's not too clear why all of us are here we follow the path that's made for us. And we'll sit around and wonder what has happened to our lives when we realize that our purpose has no purpose, that the lives we could have had we all left for dead when we let our lives be lived for us. I once knew a girl who wanted all the world but she settled for the simple life instead, after years of nine-to-five, that yearning feeling died she joined the ranks of the living dead.And all that time the sun was shining all her days were lost, she'd convinced herself she'd need a purpose, and when it wasn't clear, the reason she was here she followed just like a lot of us. She sat around and wondered what had happened to her life, everything seemed to be in such a rush. The dreams she could have had were not the ones she had, and she realized it wasn't enough.

-LIFER -

A row of mirrors before me and I can't see my reflection. My life is so far is far from my expectations. It's getting lonely in this parking lot of life. I guess my punishment is my salvation, I wish I could find a way to roam. Driving home always gives me the blues, singing songs about what I feel like inside, keeps me coming back for more. It's getting lonely in this parking lot of life, I guess my punishment is my salvation. I tread the thin line, you don't know who to follow home your life is so far, is far from your expectations. It's getting lonely with this parking lot of life.

-NO DEFENSE -

Conflict and jeopardy, I avoid confrontation, I can't dream up the reasons why you try to extrude my confidence. I have no defense, givin me no motive to stab me in the back, I've only been your friend for years and years to come. Is it a joke, cause I'm not laughing, well I guess it is cause I'm still standing. Feel free to take hits on me and don't worry about an apology cause it makes you feel good to stand your ground. When it comes to playing my game, you know I'm outta my League. Tongue-tied battered and reversed, I can't get up to speed, if I make the rules, You break, feel .like a fool who's been taken through the ringer.

-SILVER TONGUE DEVIL -

He was a silver tongue devil, standing there waiting for a ride, looking for a one way out of this town and you know I couldn't let him down. So I asked him 'how far?' he said 'as far as you'll go,' I just couldn't say no. It was a Thursday in December or was it September, the last thing I remember was the cloudless sky above. He said he saw a good friend die, I never thought to ask him why. I could have sworn I heard him say he knew who did it. We headed off into the dead air of the desert to a place I've never known. He looked into the sun that shone above us then he smiled and spoke how good it was. Yet things change and they stay the same. Home sweet home, there was a stillness as the light set behind us the last thing I remember was the laughter in my ears, fearless yet fearful I stared into his eyes and he grabbed my hand, I started to fly. Ageless, timeless, as I gave him control, he said 'that's it my friend, I own your soul.'

-S.F.B.I.H.Y.D. -

Keep my memories of you in a drawer, old letters you wrote me sentimental things. I can't bear to look at (you) anymore, I guess your life is better now. Finally have security and a man you plan to marry, I guess you're not feeling you're without. Do you ever remember me, all those things we planned to be, those times I held you late at night? Now I am to you only a memory. Four years and counting that's all I am, it's just wasted time gone by. I can't explain the way I feel inside, this loneliness grabs me and won't let me go and I've got nowhere to hide. I was twenty two years old and didn't have many friends, you'd taken everything from me. I'm not afraid of being alone in this world 'cause I know one day your time's gonna come. I think about you, no asylum in my sleep. Dreams of moments we have shared are painful things to keep. Time is the healer and I guess in time we'll see, when you realize what you had is only a memory.

-SEAIN' DIFFERENT -

Wanted excuses, they gave you excuses. The pressure got stronger, inside you grew warmer, the calender boiled, time just ticked away for you. Now you're on your own, another day gone by, I see it in your eyes. Trying so hard just to please, did you stop to think seein' things different in time, we'll soon tell the apples have ripened. The bottle is empty, the barrel is dry, money standing in our way, where can we turn now? I've walked out on my way, knowing things won't change. What you're doing's not OK, will it comfort you? Seein' different, seein' different, and I've said my piece/peace, you turned your back on me, what a free trip on a ride that you don't deserve.

-ALL WE HAVE -

Great aspirations often fall too short to fly. Life alone can take us on its twisted path as we wander down this road not all sure where to go. Sometimes the scenery can just bore you to death. As I sit down to write, another day has passed me by, they all seem the same anymore with so little time to live, and so much time to kill, how's it that I still find so much time to be bored? Am I wasting time, is my purpose being served, am I part of a bigger master plan? Today is all I have, can't change yesterday. Strolling down this road again, life has made me cynical, it's taught me about its pain. Is the little blue man using me for him? I guess I know the answer already, so does he, but when he goes he'll know if his sin was sin. I guess for now the only answers that I'll get will be the ones I can figure out myself. Listen closely friends we're coming to this story's end, and I don't think that I have rid from any doubt.

 

 

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